This post is in connection to GG Renee’s #30Layers30Days series of self discovery. If you like to follow along for some serious soul reconnecting and self realization make sure and head to her site at AllTheManyLayers.com for more info. In the meantime I'll be sharing me journey here.
Below is Day 1 - Here And Now
Q. Are you where you always thought you'd be at this point in your life?
No, I was more a live day to day kind of girl. My upbringing taught me to take every day one single moment at a time. There were times, rare, that things were quiet and mundane. On most days though my childhood was full of violence or emotional chaos. Although our childhoods don't last that long, for some of us, the scars are carried for a long time. Even when we find peace some of us tend to create our own chaos and drama because its what we’re use to. It become a habit and we make it a way of life.
Silence, peace, and calmness is so foreign we fear it.
We spend the next several years recreating it whether in real life or in our minds. If you’re like me though you may choose to start healing. In the process you work hard and make a lot of mistakes along the way.
Life now may not be perfect. Who’s is really. In my home there is more love, peace, and joy than I've ever had. I may not be exactly where I want to be in my career, but my home life is the total opposite of what I ever allowed myself to envision or thought was possible.
Q. How do you feel about the distance between where you are and where you want to be? How do you find peace in the moment, right where you are, at any given time?
I read a while ago “we want what we want when we want it” Many of us don't realize we just haven't received it because we may not be prepared or better yet the circumstances may not be perfect. For me the distance looks promising. I know the more I work the closer I get. The more self love, the more patients, and even the more struggle I get I know that it only means its around the corner.
“Anything that pains me is here to help me not hurt me.”
-Christine Gutierrez
In the meantime I try and learn from the struggle.
Believe me, there are days where I ask myself why me?! That question always makes it hard to hold on to faith. It leads to a lot of self doubt and judgement. Instead I put down the Why and pick up the What. As in what can I learn from this? What can come from this struggle? While I wait for the answer I write. I meditate. I learn more self love and patients. When I focus on the What the answer almost always appears. In either the form of an answer or a lesson. I may not be where I want be career wise or even financially but being able to switch from Why to What lets me know I'm well on my way.
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